Postpartum is Forever.
When we think about or talk about postpartum or perinatal, we quickly associate it as a snapshot or period of time that sometimes includes things like anxiety and/or depression. Sometimes we hear about postpartum OCD or postpartum psychosis. However, even those don’t get nearly enough exposure to educate or normalize the experience. What a disservice this is. To water down the experience of bringing life into this world with the application of a title that oscillates between a.) anxiety or b.) depression. Both of which are associated with particular imagery and assumptions in the cultural setting we all live and operate in.
Motherhood changes your biological wiring. You physically are not the same person - your body changes and adapts to grow a human and a whole new organ to then birth both of those things nearly at the same time. Your body shape has changed and sometimes in ways those changes are visible to the eye, and sometimes not. Mentally, you’re sleep deprived, confused, unsure, yet confident in doing the tiny tasks that add up to big changes and new family dynamics. Emotionally, you have never felt more overwhelmed or obsessed over a little - yet there is not a lot of space for someone who maybe doesn’t feel that immediately. For me, it wasn’t immediate.
Non-birthing partners deserve acknowledgement and space too. For those of us who don’t birth the baby but are there through conception, pregnancy, birth, and on the frontlines of parenthood… you're often overlooked. It happens in various areas of life; providers default to moms to get their questions answered, strangers address moms with comments and questions, friends lend the hug to the mom more than the non-birthing partner, colleagues inquire about “how mom is doing,” etc. Meanwhile the non-birthing partner is experiencing the trenches of sleep deprivation, vicarious trauma, they may experience helplessness in the early days (especially if the baby is primarily breastfed), not feeling connected to the baby, etc. Everything and everyone is changing quickly and we’re left to just figure it out.
This is not a comprehensive piece of literature but rather an attempt to acknowledge that growing your family comes at a cost. There are ways we can prepare financially, rearrange our homes, nest in the nursery, and spend more quality time with our partners. There are also incredible changes that happen upon welcoming a baby into your family, and your individual and collective experience is valid. Carving out time to sit with a provider who gets it, who has been there, and who has an objective skillset and expertise to help you can be a total game changer. One of the most brave and healthiest things you can do for yourself is to come to therapy during this pivotal, beautiful, and vulnerable time. Perinatal mental health is not a luxury—it’s a necessity.
Interesting fact: Many people are surprised to learn that anxiety, depression, and other mental health struggles are actually the most common complications of pregnancy and childbirth. They affect about 1 in 5 birthing people. Mental health struggles can affect partners, siblings, and relationships as everyone adjusts to the changes a new baby brings. On another level, we know that when parents get the help they need, families thrive—and that has benefits for future generations and our communities as well. Supporting parents is an investment in healthier families and stronger communities. Jess is our perinatal provider on our team, and she is accepting new clients.
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